The Horrible Hidden Truth.

Next week me and some old friends and some new head off to the north country to make a TV commercial.

This is going to be the kind of TV commercial that either smashes all known sales records or sinks like a water balloon tossed from the cocktail bar on the roof of the Penninsula Hotel on 5th!

For the first time in my career I'm making a proper broadcast TV commercial with no crew. I have no Director of Photography to ensure things are going to turn out gorgeous, I have no gaffer and spark to light the location, no assistant director, no make up artists to pretty the actors, I don't even have any bloody actors!

Intrigued? I am. I've got to tell you, whatever happens its going to be fascinating.

I'll tell you all about it but of course I cant tell you anything just now. I will say it involves 'competition' winners, a 900 year old castle and a bucket of blood.

So just a normal Wednesday evening then. I'll be writing an update and I'll give away all the secrets next week, provided I make it home in one piece.

Cairo.

It's so dirty in Cairo you get covered in dirt just walking down the street. I've been to a few places people call dirty but nothing compares to the level of dust and sand (I know its beside the desert) and horrendous pollution in the air.

My cameraman, Alex, has a condition that leaves him bereft of eyelashes. After 20 minutes in a taxi he had a film of petrol swimming around his eyes. The fuel pollution in the air is so bad we all felt like we were about to vomit after sitting the back of a taxi that wouldn't pass an MOT in the UK if you spent £20k fixing it up. The compounding factor here is that most of the drivers dont have a clue how the get you where you want to go.

One time we started at our hotel and then 20 minutes later went past our hotel, and then another 20 minutes later we passed it AGAIN! It was three times before finally he got us into the correct road to cross the Nile. Then he tried to charge us extra because it took so long!

The city is supposed to be safe. It didn't feel that safe, and certainly not if you're a western woman. Don't go walking around alone. No way. You'll die of asphixiation anyway.

All of that aside, the biggest problem is that everyone sees you not as an intelligent and cultured visitor to their country but as a potential scam waiting to happen. You get ripped off at every turn. Its depressing after a while. Even the hotels are at it. We were there for a week and paid £950 for a breakfast buffet for three of us. Holy crap. That is a shedload of cash for a few boiled sausages and a fired egg or two.

There must be some good things about the place though, right?

Yes. Right. The Pyramids were astonishing.

We went inside the great Pyramid. Climbed up to the tomb chamber in the centre. Its a PERFECT rectangular room made from huge 18ton blocks of granite. The joins between them are so perfect its just extraordinary that anyone could build something so amazing, let alone 4500 years ago. To explain it is like trying to describe the Grand Canyon. You have to be walk through the bushes and see its enormity first hand. This was a similar experience, although slight more claustrophobic!

I got arrested in the Museum of Egypt too. Apparently they don't like guys with cameras...